Last month, I had the privilege and advantage of attending Beyond Diversity 101 held in Pennsylvania. Co-facilitated by two amazing teachers who have been doing this work for a while, the training proved to be a profound and eye-opening experience. I must admit, I am usually skeptical about attending “diversity trainings,” but a good friend and colleague who had attended the training the previous year assured me that it was unlike anything I had experienced before. Trusting their recommendation, I decided to attend, and I am so glad I did.
The training lasted over a series of five days, where not only did we learn, but it was also where we slept and ate. When I arrived, the grounds were tucked away in this naturistic hideaway right outside of Philadelphia. It felt like a breath of fresh air to retreat and get away from city living for the next five days. Although I would be missing my husband and dog, I gave myself permission to be and take up space.
As my peers and I got acquainted with each other and set up our rooms, I began to observe the movement of folks and checked in with my own system about how I felt now that I had finally arrived. I appreciated the first night of creating an altar with my peers and the sharing of the unique item which was most important to us. I talked about my deceased maternal grandmother, with whom I had a strained relationship. I felt like it was time for me to get to know her more, as I had been avoiding her memory since she hadn’t been too kind to me when she was alive. This space felt like an opportunity to deepen my relationship with discomfort, and I wanted to bring my grandmother into the space.
As the days unfolded, I got to know people from all different walks of life, races, genders, socio-economic status backgrounds, and religious beliefs. The more I sat and talked with people, the more I realized how we are really no different but human beings who are trying to do our own work and decolonize ourselves from white supremacy. The more I continue to lean into these types of spaces, the more I realize it takes courage and bravery to do this work. I laughed, cried, and exhaled a lot. Often, being in the DEI space as a mental health consultant, I don’t get to do these things. I often find myself in spaces where I have to shape-shift, be the “expert” in the room, and my nervous system is often dysregulated. I am challenging myself to begin making exit plans to remove myself from these types of spaces, but this training helped to remind me of ways to take care of myself while I’m still in these spaces until I can leave permanently.
My biggest takeaway from this experience is an encouragement I received from a fellow participant. In my mind, I had accepted that the reaping of the seeds I am planting may not come until after my death. I was gently reminded that I can expect to reap some of the harvest now while I am alive. This is also my birthright in its own form. So, as I write this blog, I lean into what is mine to receive here on earth, as the ancestors also envisioned this for me not just what is mine in death. As I continue to become more intentional about the trainings I attend and decolonizing myself, this will be a training I will continue to seek out, because it gave not only what I needed but also what I didn’t know that I needed.
With gratitude,
Can
